I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
