This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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