My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
