just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
