When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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