You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
