I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
