the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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