Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
