I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize