I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
