You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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