you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
