While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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