I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
