I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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