i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
