She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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