Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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