A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
