At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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