All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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