Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
