Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
