I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
