I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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