We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
