Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
try to milk me bitch
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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