you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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