All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
