If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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