i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
