he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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