Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
