So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
