I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
