can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
