im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
