and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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