they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
