Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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