I wannas sexs uuuuu
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
