overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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