I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
