I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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