I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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