I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Drunk is not a location!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize