Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
