dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
