Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
