I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
