It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
