I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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