I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
