dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My dick has a subreddit
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
