wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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