Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
