we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize