And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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