yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
