I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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