remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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