she looked like the bat from fern gully.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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