I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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