VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
