you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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