Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
