lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
