im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
