It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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