Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
