I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
