Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
