Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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