I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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