i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
