So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
