Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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