Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
