i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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