Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
