I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
