I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
