it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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