I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
