Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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