She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
