My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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