Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
