Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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