I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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