You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
