ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
