Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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