I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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