dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
