apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
