I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
