I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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