You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
